I have written a Narrative Essay based on Topic: “A Memorable Day of My life” I scored 54/60 and now I need to submit my Final Draft: Revised Narrative Essay. Attached is my essay which I would to be revised for based on my tutor’s feedback below:
Feedback to Learner10/17/15 1:45 PM
Frank, this is a good story and promising narrative. The central event is clear and the story tells us what happened and how it was resolved. Two areas for revision. What is the main message? The story should illustrate a larger point. What did you learn? Not to trust people? To have faith? To keep moving even when times are tough? Any of these might be the main message. Grammar and syntax needs attention. I recommend you contact the Writing Center. You can also contact me for help or clarification.
Note: You can help add more relevant information to help enrich my essay and revise it based on my tutors feedback.